Sensible Tax Criteria

CSTACE's Sensible Tax Criteria for Opposing Specific Taxes and Fees

At CSTACE, we advocate for sensible and sustainable taxes — fees that are so narrowly defined, so stringently evaluated, and so impossibly constrained that no school tax has ever qualified. Whenever possible, we work "cooperatively" with elected officials to explain why their proposals are unacceptable before they've finished writing them.

Using our Sensible Tax Criteria, CSTACE either opposes locally significant tax proposals or, in rare instances, also opposes them. In some cases we take a "neutral stance" — which means we oppose the tax but don't want to say so publicly because it's for firefighters.

1. Necessary (But Is It Really Though?)

Additional taxes should enable important projects and essential services, preferably ones that raise our property values. Art programs, music teachers, and school counselors are luxuries. We supported the Wildfire Prevention Tax because our homes were on fire, proving we have a nuanced definition of "necessary" that tracks perfectly with "directly benefits us."

2. Affordable (For Us Specifically)

A $0.52/sq ft levy on a 3,200 sq ft home costs $1,664/year — nearly two months of wine club. We present this number without context because context undermines outrage. Our right-wing playbook says: always use the biggest possible number ($1.04 BILLION) and never the smallest ($4.56/day).

3. Alternatives Exhausted (Have You Tried Bake Sales?)

Has the district considered having the janitor also teach physics? We also suggest districts "woo back students lost to private schools" — the ones charging $40,000/year. This is what our board's all-white, all-wealthy perspective produces: solutions that are only available to people like us.

4. Equitable (Flat Taxes for Flat Earth)

Flat parcel taxes are unfair because our large properties pay the same as condos. Per-square-foot taxes are unfair because our large properties pay more. We recommend a "conversation with CSTACE about a middle course" that always results in lower taxes for us.

5. Transparent (So We Can Use It Against You)

If funds pay teacher pensions, be transparent! We need to know for our ad campaign. Our SNEAK-E TAX branding was designed specifically to imply dishonesty where none existed — a classic right-wing fear tactic that our all-Republican board has perfected.

6. Honest 75-Word Ballot Question

RVSD described their tax as "renewing at 52 cents per square foot." We reframed it as a TAX TSUNAMI that will INCREASE YOUR TAXES 62%. Here's the thing: the 62% figure is only true if you own a very large home. The bigger your property, the bigger the increase. So the people who would actually see a 62% jump are wealthy landowners with sprawling estates — people like, well, our board members. For a modest home, the increase is far smaller. But we put "62%" on every mailer, every text blast, and every yard sign, letting working families in 1,200-square-foot houses believe their taxes were going up 62%. They weren't. But they voted like they were. You're welcome.

7. Reasonable Sunset (Preferably Before It Starts)

We believe 0 years is reasonable for most school taxes. Bonds shouldn't "pass costs onto the next generation" — the same generation we declined to educate. The irony is not lost on us. We just don't care.

8. Don't Choose The Voters

Special elections? CHERRY-PICKING VOTERS. General elections? "Bundled measures." Primary elections? "Wrong timing." The goal isn't democratic process — it's ensuring school taxes never reach a ballot we can't defeat.

9. Reach Out To Us!

We urge districts to seek our feedback early. This way, we can oppose them sooner. We call this "working collaboratively." Coming soon: MeMe Grimsworth will deliver this feedback in tasteful zombie makeup.